I’M BACK B*TCHES.

2056-original-awkwardsilence

OK. So let’s just go ahead and address the elephant in the room (or elephant in the blogspace… I guess)

I’ve been MIA. Not because I haven’t wanted to post, but things have just been constant chaos. As is for everybody. I’ve honestly been so focused on making money, maintaining my mental health, and making sure I can afford my lifestyle; that the things I love (like writing stupid antics on this blog) fell by the wayside. It’s an excuse and honestly, not cool. I had a conversation with somebody recently about how people make time for what’s important to them; and in retrospect it was like the pot calling the kettle black (or purple, to be PC) (also not sure if I was the pot or the kettle) ANYWAYS.

So, a quick update. I moved to California. I’ve been real busy self sabotaging relationships, you know the usual. Whilst also trying to figure out what I want out of life. What I want to be when I “grow up.”

When I first moved to California, I was a nightmare.. (let’s be honest, still kinda am) but, when I first moved here I was going out, drinking all the time and honestly just making bad decisions all around. Made toxic friends that did things I would never in my life imagine was even out there. (for context and comedy; a girl I met I found out was an escort, because she opened up and told me that she drives to Palm Springs every other weekend to sleep with a married man, with kids, CRAIG who likes to cross dress when they did, you know, the dirty..) LIKE WUT.

I then started distancing myself from toxic people, toxic situations, and things got a lot better. I started therapy from past traumas and got a lot of bad shit out that I should have dealt with years ago. I started looking at things differently. Life is what you make it. If you manifest happy shit, happy shit happens. ** not an exact science but kinda. **

REGARDLESS. Y’all know me. I’ve always got ridiculous shit happening and it’s been three years since I’ve updated y’all with my most recent degeneracy. Point being, there’s some good and mildly hilarious content coming. I made a commitment to spend more time on things that are important to me; and this is one of them. Hopefully all two of my followers are still around, if so big ups. Stay tuned for some hilarious stories / updates.

Good vibes only,

XOXO Brandi (also now nick-named The Branimal) .. don’t ask.

 

How to deal with cuffin’ season being single.

Be naughty, save Santa the trip. 


 

Cuffin’ Season: The season almost every human being on the planet ‘cuffs’ themselves to a significant other for the holidays.. blah, blah.

You know the second you walk into Thanksgiving or Christmas you are going to have to endure an invasion of questions about babies, significant others and why you insist on living at home alone with your cat. I have a few tips. If you’re single during the holiday season and sick of seeing people getting engaged on social media, getting married and having babies:

Step One: Crawl under the covers

Step Two: Stay there

Just kidding. But in all reality, my defense mechanism is to divert the conversation to bunnies, or unicorns.

If you are like me, you can also do my go-to. Stuff a large amount of food in your mouth and just nod at them until they go away. I also will point out the fact that I already have a child, even though he is ten years old, 12 pounds and covered in fur who are you to judge? It totally counts.

Good Vibes Only,

XO Brandi