I’M BACK B*TCHES.

2056-original-awkwardsilence

OK. So let’s just go ahead and address the elephant in the room (or elephant in the blogspace… I guess)

I’ve been MIA. Not because I haven’t wanted to post, but things have just been constant chaos. As is for everybody. I’ve honestly been so focused on making money, maintaining my mental health, and making sure I can afford my lifestyle; that the things I love (like writing stupid antics on this blog) fell by the wayside. It’s an excuse and honestly, not cool. I had a conversation with somebody recently about how people make time for what’s important to them; and in retrospect it was like the pot calling the kettle black (or purple, to be PC) (also not sure if I was the pot or the kettle) ANYWAYS.

So, a quick update. I moved to California. I’ve been real busy self sabotaging relationships, you know the usual. Whilst also trying to figure out what I want out of life. What I want to be when I “grow up.”

When I first moved to California, I was a nightmare.. (let’s be honest, still kinda am) but, when I first moved here I was going out, drinking all the time and honestly just making bad decisions all around. Made toxic friends that did things I would never in my life imagine was even out there. (for context and comedy; a girl I met I found out was an escort, because she opened up and told me that she drives to Palm Springs every other weekend to sleep with a married man, with kids, CRAIG who likes to cross dress when they did, you know, the dirty..) LIKE WUT.

I then started distancing myself from toxic people, toxic situations, and things got a lot better. I started therapy from past traumas and got a lot of bad shit out that I should have dealt with years ago. I started looking at things differently. Life is what you make it. If you manifest happy shit, happy shit happens. ** not an exact science but kinda. **

REGARDLESS. Y’all know me. I’ve always got ridiculous shit happening and it’s been three years since I’ve updated y’all with my most recent degeneracy. Point being, there’s some good and mildly hilarious content coming. I made a commitment to spend more time on things that are important to me; and this is one of them. Hopefully all two of my followers are still around, if so big ups. Stay tuned for some hilarious stories / updates.

Good vibes only,

XOXO Brandi (also now nick-named The Branimal) .. don’t ask.

 

Make America Drunk Again

Let’s be real here.. i’m not going to miss seeing Toby Keith AND Three Doors Down. That being said, I figured let’s make the inauguration fun aka come up with a reason to get drunk & weird.

Step One: 

Get copious amounts of alcohol & solo cups because dishes suck and being lazy is always the way to go… am I right

Step Two:

If you have friends, invite them over. If not, drinking by yourself is always super fun too. Make sure you invite fun friends.. the person who is super political and bummed about the election is just going to be a debbie downer. This is a fun game about drinking.. and the presidential inauguration I guess.

Don’t buy food. Make your freeloader friends pick that shit up.

Now for the game:

Every time Trump said Mexicans: DRINK

Every time Trump says Make America Great Again: DRINK

Every time he refers to his super hot wife: DRINK

Every time you find yourself contemplating how many spray tans he must get to look that orange: DRINK

Every time you see his toupee move: DRINK (let’s be honest that shit isn’t moving I just really wanted to say something about his toupee)

Every time Trump makes this face: DRINK

trump7

.. Or this one

trump5

.. Or this one

US-VOTE-REPUBLICANS-DEBATE

Or this one…

trump6

Or this one…

trump

LOL JK

By now you should be prettttty drunk or at least well on your way.

You’re welcome.

Also, let me go ahead and say I don’t give a single shit about politics. I could care less who is in office and it really doesn’t affect me much unless we get nuked and everybody dies. Other than that, if my gay friends can get married, booze is legal & Netflix stays $8 a month I am alllll gravy baby. Don’t comment with anything negative or your annoying opinions about the election- I don’t care & nobody has time for that shiz.

Keep it weird, friends. Let’s Make America Drunk Again. 

Good vibes only,

XOXO Brandi

Living My Dreams.. Well, almost.

I’M ALIVE!

I haven’t been able to post because I have been putting all of my effort into S&FW, my new boutique! Quick back story: this is something I’ve wanted to do for SO long. I noticed I was surrounding myself with a lot of people with ‘ideas’ but none were actually executed. So I did it. I bit the bullet and with some extra money from a paycheck I filed for my business license. From there it was uphill. I applied for about 8 loans, and because of some stupid things I pulled in college, they all got declined. I was back to square one. Kinda hard to get inventory with no monies… So, it started at about a 10k purchase order, and I had to ween that down to $1500. I filed my taxes, got back my return, and instead of paying off my credit cards (whoops) I decided to take a chance and buy inventory for the store. When I got everything in it was a rush. Had to schedule a photoshoot- had to make up descriptions and enter all the products online, enter tax rates, shipping, etc. With the help of some amazing people, both local photographers and my beautiful friends (aka the modelz) everything was finally starting to fall together. A lot of sleepless nights, and working after work to wake up and go to work again, it launched. I have never felt such a sense of pride and happiness in anything I’ve done. I was SO OVERWHELMED by the support I received upon launch from my friends, family, and even people I haven’t talked to in forever! It was incredible. People ask me what I’m doing on my lunch break (at my day job) and I’ll tell them shipping orders out. While they think this sounds horrible (and I admit it isn’t the most exciting part of the business) I am so motivated and excited to do it. It may not make sense to most, but hey, idgaf. It’s my baby and I can’t wait to see how much it grows in the coming months!

So that’s where I’ve been. I’ve added some shots below of the product line- check it out. I’ll be back next week with a new, witty, opinionated post about something totally unrelated. BUT SERIOUSLY CHECK DIS SHIT OUT.

sandfw.com ❤

Good Vibes Only,

XO Brandi

 

 

The “L” Word in Today’s Society

So, what is love? What does it entail? 


The reason I ask is because I have always been told different things. I have also been told different theories as to monogamy, and how it’s unnatural. Am I the only person who thinks that’s bullshit? Yeah, I get it. It’s how we were created. Cavemen ended up sticking it to all of the ladies to make lots of babies. But love isn’t that. I think love is when you don’t want anybody else. Would do anything in the world to make that person happy. Love is being willing to put your life on the line for another person because you think they are that worth it. If you have a wandering eye, you ARE NOT, I repeat are not in love.
Societies standards these days objectify females and make them out to be women who sleep with men for lavish trips, etc or just downright sluts. NEWSFLASH: that is not a woman. That is a girl. Take care of yourself before anybody else and NEVER let a man pay your way. Always have your own back. Women work hard, work more, do anything in their power to make sure #1 is taken care of first, and don’t have time to deal with how you can enhance their life with your jet, or the wad of cash in your pocket. Women don’t care because they don’t need you. They know their worth.
I want my door opened for our first date. I want to be picked up. I want you to pick up the tab (don’t take that wrong, I will always offer) because it’s the thing your mothers should have taught you to do. No, I’m not going to kiss you or sleep with you on the first date. No, if I meet you in a bar I’m not going to give you the time of day because we ALL know what you’re most likely there for. No, I’m not going to join a site like tinder that objectifies women to the extreme. I believe there is still chivalry, you’re just dating assholes. That’s the difference between a girl and a woman. Girls play games and make men crazy. Women demand respect. I would choose love over money any day. Would you?
Good Vibes Only,
XO Brandi